I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
