just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
