hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i came on her dog
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
