What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
