I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize