i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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