dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
