If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
