At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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