Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
