We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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