I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize