when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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