don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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