Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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