I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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