And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
