I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
