Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
