WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
