At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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