i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
