I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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