three words: i give head
three words: not that well
pop tarts are not kleenex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
