Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
