last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
