Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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