Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
His nipple licking is glorious
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