I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
