I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
