sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
