bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
