i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I stole a fireplace last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
