Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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