The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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