I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
