so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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