I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
