I'm pants shitting drunk right now
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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