Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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