I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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