You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
