I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
