Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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