Don't make out with my wife yet
I puked a lego.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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