Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
