What did we do last night that was yellow?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
