you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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