the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
