I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
