Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
