I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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