My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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