I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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