Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
