Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
