Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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