Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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