Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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