a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
