i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
