another moral hangover. fuck.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can you bring me the toilet please
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize