My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
