is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
