yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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