I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
