btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
