idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
