I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
